Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Ode to Joy JCAHO

In my last post, I put forth the notion that in the present world of American hospital-based medicine, we have reached the point where many regulators/administrators/lawyers etc. believe that process improvement is the most important goal ---- rather than patient care improvement. So, with profuse apologies to the late Mr. Beethoven, this is sung to the tune of Ode to Joy from his 9th symphony (taking certain liberties with the poem/hymn by Henry van Dyke). And, for some reason known only to the ancients, "JCAHO" is always pronounced "JAYCO."

Process, process ├╝ber alles
Paperwork is lord of all;
Progress has no clout before us,
Patients go to hell, or worse!

"Process" lead the way before us,
Drive independent thought away;
"Process" leads to pleasant gladness
Stone-drunk, mindless in every way.

JCAHO's rules surround and keep thee,
From thy patient's bedside needs;
Nova of our adoration,
Process is the goal, say we.

Endless checklists to confuse you,
"Med Rec." forms that are inane;
Hide the saline before our arrival,
Or be flayed with great delight.

We give regulations plenty,
Ever sacred, ever crazed;
Center of our little world
We love "process" over patient lives.

You mere mortals cannot fight us,
JCAHO's whims overrule data;
We shall triumph with our "process'"
Over common sense for all.

We reinterpret as we choose to,
Every rule that we have made;
Happy to ignore your patients,
"Process" must prevail over all.

Why, now I feel like Gary Oldman!